Soothing Souls

The last few days have been interesting.

I think I’ve said that on the last few posts I’ve done, now that I think about it. It’s been an interesting few days. My interests took a clear dive into the world of acrylic painting and for good reason. I was warned it could be rather…thought-consuming. Now that I’ve done a total of seven paintings with an eighth drying in the background, I know the truth behind the thought of the paintings drawing you in with an innocent, enchantment-like charm that really does help one relax.

This post is my thoughts on what I’ve managed to learn so far about this new and very exciting turn in my life. There’s quite a bit to it, really, and I want to share my thoughts and understanding about this art form and what it means to me as a person. Now that I have more paint (thank you, Delmer!), I can, once again, jump into this artform.

Which brings me to why this means so much to me.

I’ve already mentioned that my Uncle Terry (my mum’s brother) had pancreatic cancer. He passed away a few days ago. It’s hitting my family (my grand’mum’ and my sister and me) pretty damn hard. Uncle Terry was always a part of our lives, always there when so many others weren’t. Our own parents weren’t around all that often, but Uncle Terry had always gone out of his way to get us things he knew we would like. He came by and would stay for a few nights before going back to St. Louis.

Even when he had cancer, he was up and moving and trying to live as healthily as he was able to do – he was determined cancer wouldn’t get in the way of his life. When he got sick and was put in the hospital, and then in hospice, things took a turn none of us were quite ready for. In the days arriving on his death, and the days following, I’ve had quite a bit of time to think.

When I was little, Uncle Terry always went on about my art. I was rather good at it as a kid, able to draw and everything. I was also good at breaking a picture into blocks and drawing another picture. I was able to transfer it over from one page to the next. I liked art a lot, as a kid, because I liked colors and the way I could express myself through it.

However, I didn’t like to draw all that much. I doodled a lot. Maybe too much.

I started looking into acrylic pouring back when he first got sick. I found the art to be soothing, the way each painting came into being alluring. It wasn’t until a few weeks back, however, that I ordered a stack of gesso-covered canvas (12 total) and rummaged through my mum’s paints to try my hand at the craft myself.

The first few I made, they weren’t all that great.

I’m still learning, anyway.

However, the more I did this form of art…the more I wanted to keep going!

I’m notorious for picking up a hobby and then dropping it later. I have an electric keyboard in the room downstairs because of this. I also have a guitar and an ocarina, all because of a spark of interest drew me into finding a way to get my hands on them. I even have a two-sided, metal drum because of this habit of mine. This history of mine was the very thing that made me stop and pull away, time and time again, from the paintings I am now doing.

I was thinking: ‘If I start painting all these paintings, buy all the paint and the things I’ll need to do well, and then stop later…I’ll have wasted my time.’

detest wasting my time. I tend to hunt down things that draw my interest. I crave the one thing that I can sink into, a “happy place” where I can drown myself in. I have found this with the paintings. I have a stack of canvases on my table, a stack of canvases that happen to reside in a room where I killed nine mice in two days. Haven’t found more of them, though, so maybe between me and my cats…they’re gone?

The thing is, I’m finding myself in this kind of art. As an INTJ, I’m able to pick apart the art itself, figure out what works and why, and then improve upon it. It’s also creative. I’m far more inclined to clear my attic that’s now working as a semi-studio because I want to be able to work freely and enjoy myself as I create. Cleaning up the rest of the space will have to wait, however, because I’m leaving for St. Louis tomorrow to go to my uncle’s funeral (we’re getting up at six in the morning, to my horror) and I’ll be absent for the day. Which is why I’m writing a post at 9PM – on normal occasions, I wouldn’t have the computer, or the phone or TV, on after 8PM. They interfere with my sleep.

A part of me wants to delve into this art for my uncle, as a way to honor him. He always told me I could go far, with art. That I could write like a goddess and I had an artsy side to me that would act as a lifeline for the stories I want to write but, for now, can’t. They’re in my head, still, but writing them isn’t something I can do.

So I paint instead. I have an outlet.

I can play with colors, figure out what works together.

To see my newest painting:

I wasn’t expecting the painting to come out so damn pretty when I saw all the black paint coming out of the cup. I was thinking: ‘Oh shit, I’ve ruined it!’ I didn’t. I forgot that the oil would help with the formation with cells, that the layers of paint poured in the cup prior to the pour would pop up through the layers on top of them.

Hence me being a newbie.

I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with this, but I enjoy it a great deal. I even have Filmora Wondershare on my laptop again (though I had to remove so many things just to have it where I can use it to make videos) and I also have it on my phone. My phone does upload videos faster, but I can do a lot with Filmora on my computer.

I want to paint, I want to blog, I want to learn how to vlog, and I want to bring some joy and happiness to others. I’m not good at that. People like the things I create, though. I see how people like my posts (even if it’s only a few of them), I see how people are watching my videos (though I do wonder how long until someone likes the videos in question…), and I know people over on DeviantArt enjoy my digital creations and my photography.

I’m making an impact, albeit a small one, but I think, with time, I will make a larger one.

I just have to keep doing what I’m doing. I will write and I will paint, I will continue my studies in druidry and paganism and witchcraft (a new one, but it’s a fascinating topic that a lot of people don’t actually understand thanks to modern media), I will work on being a better daughter and sister and aunt and friend, and just try to be a happier person. I only have so much time allotted to me, to live here on Earth, and I’ll make the best of it.

Anyway, I hope you watched the video above. I made it. Sure, it’s linked to YouTube, but it’s something I created. I put it on here for you to enjoy. Maybe a few of you will hop on over to YouTube and look me up. I’ll try and get another Acrylic Pouring video done, one that isn’t so…front and center to the canvas.

Maybe I could get another camera, have one for a top view as I manipulate the canvas and other for the actual pouring itself. That’d be cool. A goal for the future. I do have a camera and a DLSR, though I have only one tripod. I want to make my videos shine so the beauty in them stands out. Which means my room needs better lighting, anyway.

Gods, I have a lot to think about.

Anyway! Back to the topic at hand. Painting and the meaning behind it.

For me, there’s more than Uncle Terry. While I do feel a connection to him through it because he was so damn supportive of me. I want to do it for myself, for my sister (it’s something we want to do together, though I want to learn how to do it first just in case she wants some pointers…she can be impatient), and I want to do it because I find peace in it. While I am an intellectual person, I am also an artist.

We all need something to help soothe our souls.

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